I’m a mother of a soon-to-be kindergartener. I’m also a bonus mom to a teenager. These last five years have taught me a lot and greatly informed my mental health and motherhood journey. Selah, my creative and energetic daughter, was born in February 2020, two to three weeks before life as we knew it completely changed. Did I mention she was born two weeks early? So praise the Lord that she came just in time! I didn’t know how much my life was about to be turned upside down, but God did. She was the gift who brought great comfort during a difficult time.

A Difficult Story To Tell

I haven’t spoken much about or shared my birth story. Honestly, there are still a lot of open emotional wounds concerning my experience. Maybe one day I will share it, maybe I won’t. And that’s okay.

There is one question, however, that people would ask me, and I have always found it very interesting. After I gave birth, a few asked, “Are you dealing with postpartum depression? Have you dealt with postpartum depression?” I always found that particularly difficult to answer because before becoming a mom, I battled depression. I still battle depression. Any struggle I endured during pregnancy and after giving birth really had nothing to do with motherhood at all. Instead, I was being weighed down by the baggage I was already carrying.

My experience, and others like me, was unique because I became a new first-time mom amid a worldwide pandemic. All of the emotions that I was feeling because of my birth experience and even my pregnancy had to be put aside. I went into survival mode. I think all of us did.

We didn’t know what was happening or what was going on. So five years later, I’m still dealing with those emotions. I’m unpacking that experience and trying to navigate what I felt back then and what I feel right now. Ultimately, when it comes to my mental health, there are many things that I am walking through that I’ve been walking through before becoming a mother. And now my motherhood journey has just added an extra layer on top of that.

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Losing Yourself In Motherhood

It is the testimony of many women that they lose themselves in this new season. This is a concept that has always grieved me. I would see so many women attach themselves to this idea of loss of self. And then, I became a mother. I understand that it does happen. I would never diminish someone else’s experience. It’s just an experience I could not relate to. Maybe it was my perspective going into motherhood. Because I never believed anything was taken away from me. Rather, I felt like I gained, I elevated, and entered into a new era of womanhood.

When things become normalized in culture, we attach ourselves to a belief. It becomes an expectation. I believe a lot of women go into motherhood expecting to lose themselves, expecting to experience mom guilt. What if that didn’t have to be your experience? Being a mother has taught me a new understanding of the power of words. The Bible says that death and life lie in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). It is a wisdom principle that we would benefit from reflecting on. For when God created the world, He SPOKE everything into existence. That’s how powerful words are!

There is a danger in attaching ourselves to things that become normalized and coming into agreement with them. We run the risk of forcing ourselves into an experience and allowing it to become our identity. We announce ourselves as the overwhelmed mother, the overworked mother, the lost mother, and we wear them as a badge. And I get it. In a world that can so often devalue the work and sacrifice of motherhood, we want the world to know and understand our experience. But our experiences do not define us, they refine us.

Where Are You Grounded?

So, where are you grounded? What is motherhood for you, what does it mean to you, and what do you want your experience to be? Because motherhood isn’t a monolith. Answering that question begins with having a grounding in yourself. Who are you? What are your values? Do you know what you believe?

When you set an intention to know yourself and better yourself, entering a new season of life becomes easier to transition through. Don’t get me wrong, the transition can still be challenging and stretching. Mine has! But had I not already been on this journey of healing, growth, and transformation, these past five years would have been a hundred times harder. And they have been HARD!

What Has Been Lost

While I don’t feel motherhood has caused me to lose pieces of myself, there has been some loss. Because in life, we will lose. But shifting my perspective about change and how we evolve when we let things go has helped me. I am different. I am not the same woman that I was before becoming a mother. There are pieces of me I have added, and I have let go. Motherhood does cause you to walk into a newness. And yes, at times this change can be hard to navigate. We have been conditioned to think that this change is a bad thing. But I believe it is beautiful when we shed those layers of ourselves that we no longer need.

It can seem easier to hold on to parts of ourselves and pieces of our past. But these unfruitful habits and even beliefs can hinder us in the present and future. So I have chosen to continue to discover new things about myself and allow God to prune where He sees fit.

Motherhood continues to teach me so much. It reveals and uproots. The trauma that I had buried and hidden away began to surface. It is trauma I need to look at for the health of myself, my daughter, and my family.

Unexpected Loneliness

When I first became pregnant, I experienced unexpected loneliness. I was not prepared for the depth of isolation I would feel and experience. During pregnancy, and even after pregnancy, no matter how much support you have and how many people are around you, your experience is yours alone. It is an incredibly intimate journey that you go on with your body, your child, and with God.

I am still learning to lean on God in these moments of loneliness. I ask Him to reveal things in me and to me, and I pray for the strength and courage to continue to walk through this journey with joy. I’m sure my experience would have been different had I not become a first-time mom in 2020. But I also know this experience would still be very unique to me. My motherhood journey thus far has not been the experience I had always envisioned. But it is the one God is leading me to walk in. With Him, I am never alone.

Empower Yourself With God’s Word

Ask yourself, who am I, who has God made me to be, and what is my purpose in motherhood? Because I believe that God does grace us with a purpose in our motherhood journeys, just like in every other journey of our lives. If I’m honest, motherhood has added an extra layer to the struggles that I have with mindset, insecurity, and self-esteem. However, it has also added to who I am as a woman in the most beautiful way. The essence of who I am has bloomed. Motherhood elevates my soul.

Self-reflection is important. Healing is important. But for me, none of this is fruitful apart from my relationship with God. So I read His Word and seek His face day in and day out. It is intimacy with Him that empowers me to cultivate an atmosphere of wellness in my mind, body, and spirit. I know how I show up or don’t show up is expressed in every area of my life.

It’s Not Just About Me

My mental well-being meant a lot to me before becoming a mom, but so much more because I have a little girl. I don’t want to impart to her the many struggles that I have had over the years. Instead, I want her to see a woman who is intentional about living well. I also want her to see a woman who is intentional about doing the work to cultivate wellness. I am even more committed to breaking the chains and stopping the cycles because I know somebody is watching me. Motherhood has given me a greater responsibility, motivation, and purpose. I have taken the time to pull back the layers and do the deep work that growth requires. It is work that often feels uncomfortable. But it is worth it.

Now Is The Time

So now is the time. Whether you are a mother or a woman who is desiring to become one, now is the time. This is the time to nourish yourself with God’s love, Word, and truth. Motherhood is a beautifully challenging journey, and I’m honored to have been given the opportunity to go on the ride.

With Love,

Tamara

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